Dear friend, hello again. As I mentioned in the introduction to yesterday’s post in this twelve-article series, I’m sharing my learnings on how to heal and awaken in a way that’s safe, sound, and real. Today’s is a shorter set of reflections encouraging you to find community as you heal and awaken, but in a way that doesn’t hinder your growth.
Day 2: Community
You can seek support from friends and loved ones but many of them may not understand what you're going through. Out of fear of the unknown or out of concern for you, they may unconsciously keep you locked into patterns they’re familiar with.
Communities that are explicitly devoted to healing or awakening are invaluable. You can deepen and ground your discoveries through interactions with others going through a similar process. It’s cathartic and authentic to share stories with and learn from others who can empathize with your situation and stay with you through your journey. Please take care of yourself rather than processing things all by yourself and in your own head.
That said, I no longer say to anyone that “you don’t have to go through this alone.” Sometimes you do. 🧡 Sometimes there is a call for you to remain alone till you process certain issues or connect with spirit, sometimes for years at a time. I explored some of these learnings in a previous post on loneliness, a more personal essay.
The time alone is to help you avoid distraction and get to know yourself better. Feeling sad for yourself only adds to the suffering. Remember that this too shall pass. You might even enjoy being a hermit for a while. Believe it or not, there will come a time when you relish your own company and know that your time in isolation was a blessing.
Community can unknowingly become a means to escape the solitude one needs in order to become one’s very own best friend. It can become a place to collect spiritual badges or to pass time while avoiding getting intimate with one’s issues. I’ve met people who’ve spent years going from one plant medicine ceremony to another, but never seem to break free of their issues. 🙁 Let the community support you, not engulf you or become your new identity.
To be a healthy individual, and to truly awaken, is to awaken from all belief systems and group identities and to find true belonging within. It’s easy to find safety in a community, but it’s ultimately a trap and can hinder our expansion. I love the following quote by Toko-pa Turner, who explains it perfectly:
Our longing for community and purpose is so powerful that it can drive us to join groups, relationships, or systems of belief that, to our diminished or divided self, give the false impression of belonging. But places of false belonging grant us conditional membership, requiring us to cut parts of ourselves off in order to fit in. While false belonging can be useful and instructive for a time, the soul becomes restless when it reaches a glass ceiling, a restriction that prevents us from advancing. We may shrink back from this limitation for a time, but as we grow into our truth, the invisible boundary closes in on us and our devotion to the groupmind weakens. Your rebellion is a sign of health. It is the way of nature to shatter and reconstitute. Anything or anyone who denies your impulse to grow must either be revolutionised or relinquished.
Please stay vigilant: Is the community helping you become more loving and peaceful? Is it open to anyone? Are the members sincere and generous? What patterns of your own are coming alive in the community.
Also, you don’t have to make a life-long commitment to a guru or a community. I found it helpful to try out a few different communities and gain exposure to multiple perspectives.
Much love,
Anubha
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Sometimes identifying and realising the false belonging itself takes a lifetime. Very nicely written on how to be vigilant about this and what questions one should ask to find out whether your are in the right place. Also, sometimes you outgrow the community itself and how to make the informed decisions to come out of such communities as well.. as usual, nicely written, Anubha